Friday, February 11, 2005
You know what they say about missing someone more when there's a festival or something like that? Oh well, that's pretty true... i actually miss him more these few days. I just can't help thinking about how nice it would be to meet up with him during these hols...But... he's already made things so obvious... i dunno how dumb i actually am but i only realised this like a few days ago.. he's simply not into me at all... he simply doesn't like me at all. Hard to accept but it's very true... He's already said he wasn't ready for anything. He's already said he has no special feelings for me. How much more obvious can he get? I should have killed my heart myself a long long time ago. It's so silly to allow myself to fall into this bottomless pit... more than once...
You know what's the worst thing that can happen to u when u are still trying to get over a heart break? You visit your relatives and they start asking u why you are still not attached. They start asking if u have a boyfriend who's hiding somewhere...Sighz... Aunties n Uncles, i'm still not attached k? Yes, yes, i AM fussy. Yes, yes, i've scared a couple of guys away. Yes, yes, most of my peers are attached...Sighz...Why do they have to poke me in the area that hurts the most? Why don't they ask about my school? Why don't they ask about things that won't hurt me at all? Sighz... relatives. To make matters worse, you've gotta have cousins bringing their boyfriends and girlfriends to family gatherings and relatives telling u how u should learn from your cousin and not hide your boyfriend, when you're not... u just don't have a boyfriend.
You know what i'm thinking about now? I think that i'm a freak... I think that i'm inferior compared to my friends. I think that i will never be able to handle both a love relationship and work simultaneously... I think that i will never get to enjoy a wonderful simple relationship... I think that if i do ever get a boyfriend, he won't be my dream guy. Instead, he will be a guy i grabbed out of desperation... I DO sound desperate nowadays don't i? Sighz.. Since when was it so important to get attached? Sighz... why am i no longer as self assured as i used to be? Why do i slowly see the old Yeesh fade away? What happened to the Yeesh who thought that relationships were troublesome and time-consuming and stupid? Sighz...
*toddles off in search of the stronger and more confident Yeesh*
YYY
